Mother's day is just around the corner. As a mom- I am a failure.
Failure #1- We moved during the middle of a school year. Everyone knows the best time to move is in the summer time, right? There's nothing like pulling a first grader out of school just when he's gotten the hang of going to school all day or pulling a pre-k student out when she finally knows the names of the kids in her class. But- when God says "Move!" You do it.... or Biblical history tells us you get swallowed up by a big
Failure #2- My kid is below average on the kindergartner entrance exam. Never mind that we've never had to take an exam like this before. Never mind that Indiana would want my 5 year old to know body parts like "jaw", "heel" and "ankle." Who knew those would be of utmost importance. We've been working on things like being nice to friends.
Failure #3- The missed pick up. You get a call from the school (before the move) reminding you that it's early release day and your child has now been sitting in the office for 20 mins waiting for you. You get a call from the new school (after the move) reminding you that it's early release day and the child has now been sitting in the office for 20 mins waiting for you. Why can't all schools operate on the same early release schedule? Just pick a day and stay with it!
Failure #4- We missed Awana Awards last night because we had youth group going on at the same time. Usually we have another couple helping but they were on vacation. So the choice was to leave my husband by himself in a room full of Jr High students to see my kids get their awards- or be his backup. Luckily for us "Ma Bride" was able to go and see the kids awards. Sometimes no matter what you desire to do- responsibilities are in conflict.
I could continue on all the ways I have failed my kids. I'm sure if we all thought about it we would all have a long list if we're honest with ourselves.
I had a great chat the other day with a friend of mine who doesn't have kids. She feels like there's a lot of "stuff" she needs to deal with before having them. I told her- there's always a lot of "stuff" to deal with. For me and my husbands we thought we had dealt with sin issues like anger and patience. We thought we had them under control- and then we had kids.
Raising kids is a tough job. Raising them in the world of ministry is often unpredictable and hard. Which is why so many PK (pastor's kids) and MK (missionary kids) end up rebelling. Often it's hard to balance what people "need" me now. Our kids always need us. Our kids are the ones we'll have the longest. They are the ones who will have the chance to see how we deal with life not just when we're out in the limelight- but how we are at home.
When I say I'm a failure- I mean it. I fail every single day at being the parent my kids need and deserve. I make mistakes. I'm not a well person leading other well people. I'm a sick person teaching others the need of a healer. And the healer is not me.
You see there's immense freedom when I finally realize I'm a failure. There's freedom because I know who the real parent is. I know that their real Father wont ever desert them and wont ever fail them. He's there with them at school- I'm not. He's there with them when they make friends (good or bad)- I can't always be. He's there with them when they make their choices. He's the parent I will never ever be.
My job is to teach my kids about their incredible Father who loves them. My job is to help them develop into the man or woman God created them to be. My job is to point them to Christ. They are my first ministry. They are my first disciples. I will fail in my own power. I will fail at loving them unconditionally 100% of the time. But where I fail- I know God will succeed.